Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
