my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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