I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
