I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
