ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
