I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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