I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
