I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
