I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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