Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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