It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
