Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
