I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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