I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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