We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
