It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
