I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I pour the whiskey from now on
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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