You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
