so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
