My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
