is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
