ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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