I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
