You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
