I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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