Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
