exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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