would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
