After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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