it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
