My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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