Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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