shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
