FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
