you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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