I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
