i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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