dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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