And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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