I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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