Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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