How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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