do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
