A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
