Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
