my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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