Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
