Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
