ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
