mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
