Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
