You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
