does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
