Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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