Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
