i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
