He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
