He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
