I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
