Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
