In the future we'll all be gay
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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