Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
