I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
