I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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