I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize