My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Welp...herpes.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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