yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
