You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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