He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
