so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
