so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Holy sore nipples Batman
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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