The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
