my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
