I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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