sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
