No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
