gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
