Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Couch. On fire.
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